For new or aspiring doulas...

Remember when you went to/saw/had that birth? And they totally did/didn't/should've/never did that thing so wrong and then the birth went so wrong and then you read/saw/heard/watched that story/article/book/documentary that compounded what you learned from that birth and now you know that that should not happen and now you're all gassed up to make a difference?

Oh my love, please release that energy and here's why.

1. That was only one birth. And while you learned a lot from that one birth its still only one birth. Even if the same thing happened to your friend...it's one birth and not enough information for you to become so attached to your theory.

2. It's not your place. Clinical decisions are the decision of the clinician, aka her midwife or doctor. If you want to make clinical calls you can go become a clinician aka midwife or doctor. If it's something you wish you could do but it's not in the cards for you right now and so you're choosing to be a doula instead but hoping or pushing for the doctors and midwives to carry out your clinical calls... you're doing it wrong. 

3. It's not empowering to your client. Your client chose their provider. With few exemptions, your clients are adults and capable. If you are trying to come between her and her provider, you are not honoring her decision to work with her provider and you are not respecting her choices and you are, again, doing it wrong. 

4. And last but not least, I want you to know, to really really know, that sometimes, an epidural, forceps, an induction, demoral, AROM, a scheduled c/s, pitocin, cytotec, vacuum, episiotomy, continuous monitoring, an emergency c/s, a version, a refusal to catch a breech, and on and on...really is the best decision, or at least a good one, for what's happening in the moment in a particular birth. And often you cannot see that during until hindsight reveals the whole story. So if you are objecting to the thing in the moment because you saw the thing go so bad before, you're doing it wrong.  What you will learn once you have gained a lot of experience is that you truly never know in a birth and so a grand amount of grace and humbleness is required to effectively support a labor and birth and work effectively with her care team.

Wishing everyone peace, love and beautiful supportive non-judgmental birthing!

Love,
M